1. There are definitely more Danish people on Koh Lanta than there are in a midsized Danish city, but none of them seem particularly interested in discussing Borgen with us, despite our best efforts. Us, loudly, over dinner, sitting between a handsome Danish gay couple and a family of five: “But the demands of being statsministre give Birgitte some significant leeway in her marriage, no?” …Anyone?
2. That sweet little bird merrily flitting about at dusk? It’s a bat.
3. Food is not the thing here—too many tourists who just want a burger or pad thai. When you find a good restaurant (like the fittingly named Beautiful Restaurant), you will go there often.
4. If you’re new to scooters, it can be a bit difficult getting the hang of turning. But Koh Lanta’s winding streets are a great place to master it; shuttle vans, bicycles, cars, pedestrians, and motor bikes share the roads in a patient harmony that only island life can bring.
5. When older white people really commit to Beach Life, their skin takes on the texture and hue of a waitlist Birkin bag.
6. From Koh Lanta’s Old Town, you can take a 30 minute long-tail boat to the lovely and mostly deserted Koh Bubu. Mostly deserted, that is, except for the giant lizards. There is a family of them that lives in the hills behind the island’s single restaurant. They come down to the beach a few times daily and “oh yeah, they’re big suckers, about the size of you…but don’t worry, they only eat vegetables.” Blake, no reptile lover, spent the rest of the day concerned about her resemblance to a giant turnip.
7. Thai massage is like having yoga done to you, but with more punching. It’s great and cheap.
8. When cooking, Thai people keep the tails on their shrimp not only because they’re full of flavor, but also because they’re full of calcium—important in a dairy-less diet.